Tuesday, May 22, 2012

She refuses to let go, even after a decade.

Although this is a dating blog, I want to share an e-mail I received from my ex last night. We met on a dating network so I want to share how intense relationships can grow out of a dating site.

We have not spoken in over a decade since we broke up....no smiles passed, no messages. I felt strange 'cause knowing her it was hard to believe she didn't turn back to whisper her disgust she felt the way I left her. I was young, but that is no excuse. I broke her heart knowing that she will never be the same person again. It was comforting to know she had not tried to keep any ties. She's over me? I used to ask myself every now and then remembering the moments of love and lust we shared.

Apparently, I was wrong. She never did let go. Here is what she wrote:

"Hi again,

I could feel the raindrops on my face, the mixture of a tearless cry and the bitter smile. The feeling was so peculiar I can't definitely fathom its point of entry. It all started one starry night when I heard nothing but the "lub- dup" rhythm of the normal QRS complex. It was so euphoric, too good to be true. I even thought it was just a wonderful dream that I didn't have any desire to wake up from forever.

The cells in my brain are definitely in a serialize state. It's firing aimlessly to the unfamiliar image that my occipital lobe painted. My killer cells autoimmunity heightened to " red alert" . I felt lost in the felicity of the events. All of my wiser components were destroyed by the " bug virus" that trespassed over my completely balance being. The feeling simply pulled me down to the depth of the vast ocean. I couldn't breath, I couldn't think…I was simply drowned and I allowed myself to be carried away in the current.

I didn't even consider the validity of the words you said. It's impossible to witness the moment when all stars will become a black hole. It  would definitely happen, yet surely not in our  lifetime. I simply have faith in you.

The world transformed into a rainbow of colors. I have found the paradise of the Earth. Everything is almost perfect, not until the time when you became invisible. I just wish that my vision was lost; that's why I could not see you, yet as I look in the starry sky I could clearly see the twinkling stars. The cool wind blow the fragrant, flower smell and I saw the shadow of the falling leaves by the moonlight. I waited for your image to appear for almost a decade, yet you never showed up. Where are the golden words? They simply vanished.

As I woke up in the world of the dead, my scarf dropped  near a golden tomb.  I took a second glance to the picture above it and I was shocked! I blinked for a second, closed my eyelids and tried to fool my brain, yet it was really the smiling face of you that I saw when I got my eye's cones function back.

I wish I could just lose my consciousness and return to the fantasy- like world, but the truth sets in and I just dropped to my knee and cried. How did you allow the promise to be broken? I want to blame you, blow your engraved name out from the stone, however I  couldn't escape from the truth of the lies—you did not wait for the black hole to come. How could I blame you if I don't even have the control for such things?  If I could just stop the cardiac cells from dying I would definitely have done so, yet when the heart cells rest…they do so forever.

I could feel the tiny raindrops in my face , taste the salty tear mixed with it. I just realized how the shower of lies taste like. Painful as it is, yet for the second chance I will do the same thing. Allowing myself to be exposed to the shower of lies if it means  I could hear you again…make the oath of the stars becoming black hole and not letting your heart in a state of asytole.

Cumulonimbus clouds wrapped the sky , though tomorrow I might see the starry skies again. Will I see a black hole? Maybe amidst the shower of lies.

Awaiting your call,


Her words have ripped me apart and I officially hate myself!


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